bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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