I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
