if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
