wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
