Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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