I faked an abortion last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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