I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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