Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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