This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's always time for handjobs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
