They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize