my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
