WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
