Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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