there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
