no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize