And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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