so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
