And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
