so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
