Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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