I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
