i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
