Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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