Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
