We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
