Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
