did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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