he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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