just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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