he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
