You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
