I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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