rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
