I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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