do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have fence marks all over my body
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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