so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Watching her eat just hurts me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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