And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
