this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
