dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love you. Go after that dick
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
