Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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