I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
