Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
