So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
