I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize