Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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