she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
