i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
