if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
