forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
