Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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