I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Boobs are out for the taking
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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