I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
