That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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