Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We need a shit load of segways right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
