wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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