my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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