do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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