Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
