i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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