When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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