we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
