hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
