just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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