I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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