I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
