Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
