i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
