you traded sex for a burrito?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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