Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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