And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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