I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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