Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Found the puke drawer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
